They called him a slow learner they called him names

They sent him to the funny farm without little hope to gain

A runaway teenager they tried to put him in his place

Tied up in the kitchen with a roll of sellotape

His name was Albert oohh

Albert ooooh


Family in the social club dancing the twist

Albert in the back room eating other peoples crisps

Albert was resourceful and he made the great escape

Got picked up by the duty team at the back of the estate

They called him Albert ooooh

Albert ooooh Albert oooh


Six fat coppers pinned him to the floor

Six fat coppers bought him back to the ward

Six fat coppers couldn’t hold him down

No soon as they returned him he was back off into town…


On taxis and on buses Albert never paid

The drivers loved him and the passengers were amazed

Albert travelled Merseyside putting Kerouac to shame

A restless spirit no psychiatrist could tame

They called him Albert…etc


No secure facility kept hold of him for long

He was here just minute ago now he’s gone

Found in the tunnel by the cleaners late at night

Run over by a speeding car but he survived all right

His name was Albert


My friend Albert oooh

Albert oooh








« Back to Lyrics & Poems